I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Semen is not good for contacts.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize