I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
