come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Come on in and take your pants off
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