Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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