Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
