I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
youre lurking in front of me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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