The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
this boner is exhausting
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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