this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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