you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
