I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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