Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
