yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
my liver is dry heaving
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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