Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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