I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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