I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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