Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
