Having a random hookup so left but love u
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
