meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize