if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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