Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
