Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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