Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
