So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
