Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
