Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
