Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
