Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
