the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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