watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
