Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
