We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
