I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
