This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
