I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Who died my cat blue again?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
