please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize