Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
