my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
we're so committed to being not committed
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize