she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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