I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
