sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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