Pappa wants mamma naked
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
