we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
