If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
