mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
