gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
