Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
