Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
