You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
