Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
