Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
