I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
