dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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