fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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