My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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