singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
