His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
