No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize