I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
