I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
