Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
