can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I want her autograph on my taint
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
