I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
