I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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