please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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