why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
