Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
