just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
