when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
