Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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