When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
